Developing Positive Assertiveness

Summary Developing bumptiousness is more than just learning to speak differently. Being assertive requires persuasion assertively, behaving unequivocally and feeling self-confident. We must all seed a aw are effort to be consistently assertive. As we learn to become more assertive we reduce our stress, failures, dissatisfactions and counterpoints. Developing assertiveness requires effort still the rewards are worth it. Successful style win over requires thinking and doing. carriage change is possible at once you prolong across that it is an evolving, ongoing process that tidy sum be accomplished by moving through various stages.This essay discusses and describes the different behavioural display cases along with recipes to assume to happy portal change. It examines the effects of plus mental imagery and the self-fulfilling prophecy towards programming yourself towards success. It explores the four steps for powerful assertiveness along with how to deal and school for confrontation. Assertiveness is the antidote to fear, shyness, passivity, and even anger, so in that respect is an astonishingly wide range of situations in which this reading is appropriate.The case study demonstrates how after assertiveness training employees feel empowered with tools and skills to handle either talk situation. All of us should insist on world treated fairly to stand up for our rights with verboten violating the rights of others. This agency tactfully, justly and effectively expressing our preferences, needs, opinions and feelings. We do this through the development of positive(p) assertiveness. Introduction When we hear the word assertive most mint think of someone rest their ground refusing to bemuse an inch and pushing to have their own way.Others think of someone who is stubborn on certain issues but overall a enough individual. Others do non know what assertive behavior really is. Assertive behavior is a natural style while being honest, dire ct and respectful while interacting with others. Why is there a need for assertiveness training books and courses? They are essential as most large number do non determine the importance of using assertive behavior. As more and more people develop assertiveness and start to influence others, the awareness and acceptance of this behavior type will increase.Everyone should aspire to be assertive it is a desirable behavior, it is vital for honest, healthy relationships. It is the behavior necessary for positive outcomes in negotiation, normal business dealings, conflict resolution and also in family life. The assertive individual is a tower of strength with high self-esteem with clear self-knowledge and able to accept their own shortcomings as well as their strengths. Figure 1 The Assertiveness Triangle. The Three Main Behavioral TypesNo one is consistently assertive, we all come about these three basic behavioral types depending on the situation Passive this behavior is passiv e and indirect. It conveys a message of inferiority. By being nonassertive, we allow the needs, extremitys and rights of others to be more important than our own. It creates a behavior of win- lag situations. A nonassertive person loses or is disregarded while allowing others to win. This leads to being a victim not a winner. Aggressive this behavior is complex, it tin be either passive or restless.Aggression can be direct or non-direct, honest or dishonest. It communicates an impression of disrespect and superiority. Assertive this is when a person stands up for their legitimate rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated. It communicates respect for others behavior. It is an honest, direct and appropriate expression of ones beliefs, feelings and opinions. Figure 2 Assertiveness, graph mode. Figure 3 The different behavioral types. Figure 4 Examples of the different types of behavior.Successful shift of Behavior Successful behavior change requires thinking and doing. Behavior change is possible once you understand that it is an evolving, ongoing process that can be accomplished by moving through various stages. Real change comes only after persistent action. The more frequently people perform a behavior, the more habitual and automatic it becomes, requiring little effort or conscious attention. Figure 5 Motivation and ability graph. Figure 6 Target behavior graph showing effects of core motivators. Positive Mental ImageryWhen maturation positive assertiveness you will begin to start practicing new ways of expressing yourself and handling yourself. It is a good idea to also practice the technique of positive mental imagery. This is using your imagination to visualize yourself saying and doing things successfully and assertively. Envision situations in which you see yourself being assertive, feel confident, powerful and effective. Only imagine positive outcomes. Think of positive mental imagery as being proactive in the journey of dev eloping positive assertiveness.Four Ps of Successful Change Any type of change whether big or small can be challenging. For many, large scale change only occurs when after a traumatic experience. However, one does not need a traumatic upset to prompt change. To make a successful change, you do need to be prepared. There are 4 rules which help to retain these changes. 1. Protection Change is often very scary. One of the reasons we do not change is because of fear. Our fear can be hidden but enough to sabotage successful change. Having protection can help to stick with a commitment to change.It may be best to start your successful assertiveness in an environment which feels very safe. Change one thing at a cadence slow and steady wins the race. 2. Potency Change is an active process not a passive process. It is necessary to put in some mental effort, emotional involvement and physical activity. To tap into your potency cook your goal in simple, active, positive words. Write down your change goal and display it where you can see it every day. Imagine practicing your goal of positive assertiveness and visualize yourself doing this with ease. . Permission Each of us requires permission of change ourselves. Be sure to give yourself permission to change. 4. Practice To become skillful with any behavior requires practice. A large amount of practice may be needed before your new behavior becomes natural and integrated into daily life. Develop a practice schedule, be specific about how often, when and where. Record your efforts and successes. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy The self-fulfilling prophecy is a statement that alters actions and therefore comes true.For example, a person stating Im belike going to have a lousy day, strength alter his actions so that such a prediction is fulfilled by his actions. This may be an unconscious(p) gesture. A person who embraces the self-fulfilling prophecy in a positive way Im going to have a great day might act in ways that w ill actually make this prediction true. Programming Yourself for Success If you want to program yourself for success you will need to understand that if you only put rubbish into your head, you will only ever get trashy results in your lifeThe human minds works just like a computer- when it comes to basic programming the same basic rules apply if only negative stuff goes in then only negativity will come out. If you want to program yourself for success then you need to lock your mind a befoolst every single thought that is not coloured with success and covered with positivity. Many people struggle with reprogramming themselves for success because although they practice positive thinking, they visualize and say their affirmations, negativity is still the predominant factor in their lives.It is not the affirmations and the visualizations that are getting in the way, but rather the thoughts and the feelings that are active the rest of the time The only way you are going to program you rself for success is to go on the offensive, and to make a conscious effort to not only have a constant intake of positive, success-filled thoughts and feelings, but to also avoid any thoughts and feelings that cancel out your success-driven mentality. The Four Steps for Powerful Assertiveness There are four basic steps that can help you to become more assertive in everyday dealings with others.Step 1 Repeat the Question or Statement To put up power to your assertiveness the first thing to do is to repeat the question. encounter that you have good eye contact and speak with confident, assertive voice tones. It may be necessary to emphasize certain words the second time to increase the chances of getting your point across. Step 2 Command, dont ask If the person continues to refuse to co-operate, switch from asking to commanding. Being directive tends to operate more powerful than a request to most.Learn to use the request for the majority of people, the average person will hear yo ur request as polite and appropriate, there is less risk of sounding pushy. If the request does not produce results then change the request to a command. Step 3 Add Some emotion If your efforts are still unsuccessful you can add emotion as another way to add power to your assertiveness. People are unaccustomed to rude emotions and honesty and by using these you can add significant power to your discourse. Step 4 Introduce Consequences By introducing consequences it is a final way to add power to your assertiveness.They are not threats, they are simply statements of what your intentions are if you do not get co-operation. Consequences need to be stated in advance to give the other person a chance to change their behavior. Consequences need to be strong and believable, the action needs to be something undesirable. You must be willing to follow through on the consequence if necessary. If you are tested by the other person and you do not take the action you said you would, you will l ose all credibility and power not just with that person but perhaps also with others.Case Study Assertiveness training helps administrative assistants forge positive relationships with internal and external customers. Situation A college recognised that its administrative assistants work with a range of internal and external customers and assertiveness training with this these employees could have a positive impact throughout the organisation. This group also tends to be passive. Challenge The administrative assistants report to multiple faculty members, and they felt powerless to effectively juggle the assignments of multiple bosses.As the universitys face to the customer (students), polished communication skills would enable them to more effectively communicate with these customers. Solution The college hired Mary to present a communication workshop for this group. Mary customised training focused on assertive communication skills and how to work with difficult people. Also, the group participated in a personality assessment to gain insight into their individual communication style and, with role playing, learned how to communicate with people who have different communication styles.Results The college invites Mary to conduct a communication workshop for this group every year, focusing on various communication aspects. Participants rave that the workshops are interactive and relevant to their job. They feel empowered with tools and skills to handle any communication situation. Dealing with Confrontations Many people cannot handle confrontation and start to shake, they lose control of their voice pitch and cannot control their thoughts. It is frustrating when someone is lay you down and you cannot argue back as you have a touch of confrontation jitters.It is the Flight or Fight syndrome kicking in as it pumps adrenaline through your body in readiness of getting your body prepared to either Flight or Fight. Some tips to deal with confrontation * adjourn a deep breath, this lowers your heartbeat and blood pressure. * If you can, take five minutes to rehearse what you will say. Make key points for your argument. * Realise what triggers your anger and prepare a response to that trigger. By doing this you are aware of what buttons others can push to provoke a certain response.When you know your own triggers it is less likely that someone can push these buttons as you are prepared. * Make the other person aware of how confrontational they are being such as why are you being so confrontational? this turns the energy back on them and lets them reflect on themselves. This may calm them down as most people get garbled in the moment and do not realise they are being aggressive. * Dont get sucked into other peoples arguments where the purpose is to interpolate you into loosing and thereby showing the other person that they are superior.If you dont get sucked in there is no argument to win and you will come out looking the better person. Figu re 7 betrothal Management Model. Conclusion This essay has examined the positive effects that assertiveness can have on your social and business interactions. It is an ongoing development process where you need to be actively involved in modifying your behavior patterns. Assertiveness includes the right to choose not to assert yourself. There is no rule saying that you have to assert yourself all the time and in some situations you may feel it is better not to say anything.Generally, though, you are likely to find that being more assertive has a significant positive impact on your life. Because some people want to be nice and not cause trouble, they suffer in silence, and assume nothing can be done to change their situation. We appreciate pleasant, accommodating people but whenever a nice person allows a greedy, dominant person to take advantage of them, the passive person is not only cheating themselves but also reinforcing unfair, self-centered behavior in the aggressive person.T rue assertiveness means without aggression, guilt or fear. It is far more effective in the long run and infinitely more satisfying. Winning others to your way of thinking, the legitimate way, is much more fun. By choosing to be assertive and by following the steps outlined in this essay, you will know that you have the power over any situation, over your own feelings and stress levels. Recommendations Being assertive is being able to express yourself with confidence, without resorting to passiveness, pugnacity or manipulative.By developing assertiveness and being aware of your strengths and weaknesses you can learn how to modify your behavior in both social and work interactions, therefore enhancing your flight prospects and improving your social life. Practice your skills on someone you are unlikely to meet again. If you fail, realise where you have gone wrong and try again. Attending workshops and seminars can be extremely valuable especially when given the opportunity to use rol e-play to uncover your response in various interpersonal situations. Assertiveness is closely relate to self-esteem and body language so it is important to build on these ideas too.The Irish Training and Educational Centre (ITEC) run an Assertiveness at gain distance learning course online for a fee of 330 covering 6 modules. This course can be signed up for online (https//www. irishtraining. ie/business/assertiveness_work. html) or by phoning ITEC on 01-2897579 Appendices Figure 1 The Assertiveness Triangle Figure 2 Assertiveness, graph mode. Figure 3 The different behavioral types. Figure 4 Examples of the different types of behavior. Figure 5 Motivation and ability graph. Figure 6 Target behavior graph showing effects of core motivators.Figure 7 Conflict Management Model. 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BLOGSPOT. COM/2009/04/ASSERTIVENESS-TRAINING. HTML http//www. strategicinsight. biz/index. php? option=com_contentview=articleid=56Itemid=60 1 . Mullen, Pat Module 4, Management/Supervisory Skills (2003) Pg. 60